Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 6 - Addiction
Week 6 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Hey Dreamer,
I’ve made it halfway through Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment! What a great milestone to hit. The halfway point always feels strange because there is a certain expectation of feeling like I have to be at the peak of my progress. It can feel disheartening if I don’t feel like I’m at that peak - but the funny thing is, I don’t necessarily know what that peak would feel like. So - how do I know whether I’ve hit it or not?
I must remember that the journey is not linear. It’s complex and full of unknowns. This week’s theme was Addiction. It has been really helpful over the past 6 weeks to focus on singular themes because I have started to recognise how they show up in my life. How better to explore my relationship to Addiction than to write about it and create using it as inspiration.
This week helped me uncover many addictions that others, I think, would not say are addictions. They feel like addictions to me - so dealing with them using techniques that help people with addiction seems like a very obvious and reasonable thing to do. I was right. I noticed how some of these addictions affected me and others, so I started conversations that addressed why I was feeling addicted to certain behaviours.
Guess what? It really helped. Yes, it was difficult to be vulnerable and admit that I deal with addiction. This all might sound pretty heavy to admit - and it is in one way - but it also seems silly to explain it when I get into the details. That’s what has been so difficult about this week. Trying to balance talking about addiction as it shows up for me in a way that others can understand, while also recognising that it is different to how addiction presents in other people.
Before I get into it - I want to share this week’s content pieces with you.
Tue · 11th Nov:
Podcast Episode on Spotify - Episode 6 - Addiction - This week’s topic of Addiction allowed me to tease out the complexities of addiction when applying it to seemingly painless activities
Newsletter on LinkedIn - We Are Addicted to Work · November 11th, 2025 - It has become normalised to kill ourselves at work because we are being rewarded for doing so. It is an addiction forced upon us by a system that thrives on us giving 110% every day
Live on TikTok - KBDE #6 - Addiction - A personal and interactive discussion of the topic of Addiction
Video on YouTube - Kiki's Big Dream Experiment - TikTok Live - Episode 6 - Addiction - A recording of my TikTok Live on the theme of Addiction
Wed · 12th Nov:
Board on Pinterest - KBDE - Week 6 - Addiction - A collection of pins linked to my content for Week 6
Stream on Twitch - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 6 - Week 6’s Borderlands 4 stream
Video on YouTube - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 6 - A recording of my Twitch livestream of Borderlands 4
Thu · 13th Nov:
Post on Substack - Being Addicted To Suffering - There is safety in routine and sameness, but it can also be addictive to keep the status quo and not disrupt things even though it can be so much better to disrupt things
Fri · 14th Nov:
Post on Instagram - A Week for Haiku - Over a week, I feel routine spiralling thoughts coming up that hold me back. Recognising them and reframing them positively really helps - so that’s what I wanted to do with this week’s poem
Sun · 16th Nov:
Blog on my Website - Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 6 - Addiction - My wrap-up post for the week
I have talked about my 9th piece of content a lot over the past few weeks. During the week, I started reading The Artist’s Way, and I decided that I wanted to try the coursework it provides. This will help me create my 9th piece of content - which I plan to retrospectively fill in for the past 6 weeks. I have started this process, and I’m still teasing out how to integrate it to Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. It feels like a really compelling exercise to do and to report on. I want to share what I can from the experience.
Reflection on Week 6
Addiction is Complex
The concept of addiction is understood in different ways. Most understanding tends to pathologise addicts as being inherently at fault. That’s what society’s view of addicts is. It’s much deeper than that because addiction forms because there is a rewarding outcome of the undesired behaviour, and that has turned into a bad habit, which in turn has become a bad survival mechanism.
The action is causing more harm than good. What is the solution? To stop the harmful action, most would say.
That is not a solution - that is a bandaid. It fixes a symptom but not the root cause. We need to do more work to understand and address the root causes. Getting that far allows us to work on replacing the bad habits with good habits that address the deficiency managed by the addiction.
Addressing the symptom is a very shallow view of addiction because it only addresses the impact that addiction has on other people. So much addiction is hidden when you are the only person negatively affected by it.
Alcohol, drugs, sex, and gambling - all of these have very negative consequences on the people around the addict. Work, exercise, video games, and lying - these don’t necessarily have negative consequences for people other than the perpetrator. Being addicted to work is seen as being ambitious, driven, and determined - because that’s the language used to describe someone who works 80 hours a week. Yet that person still is at risk of burnout, illness, and many other issues as a direct result of overwork due to an addictive relationship with work.
My point is - addiction is not as simple as, “stop doing that”. It is also not helpful to dismiss someone who recognises addiction and wants to get help for it - because it is important to validate the struggles, life impact, and stress caused by the behaviour, regardless of whether you think that behaviour is addictive or not.
My Addictions
I love the word ritual. It is a habit with meaning - that is my description of it. Rituals are fantastic because they are purposeful, they are positive, and they have a habitual attraction that grants safety in repetition. When does a habit or ritual become an addiction though? Where do you draw the line?
I draw a tarot card daily as part of my morning routine. Yes, it’s kind of disruptive if I’m running late some morning. Yes, I insist on doing it every day. No, it doesn’t affect other people, but I can feel anxious and worried if I don’t do it. Is it an addiction?
I don’t believe it’s an addiction because the negative consequences of not doing it are only affecting the commitment I made to myself to do it every day as a form of self-reflection. Not doing it means I broke a commitment to myself. Consider this - me not doing my tarot card in the morning feels like I’ve failed the same way that an alcoholic person feels like a failure by breaking their sobriety.
We don’t say that alcoholics are addicted to sobriety. We commend them on how long they have stayed sober.
So what are my addictions then, if tarot is not one? I will tell you. But I wanted to start with tarot as an example to show that the determining factor on whether a habit becomes an addiction is in the negative impact of the action.
I am addicted to keeping secrets and procrastinating.
“Oh, I don’t want to cause a fuss, I’ll say it later” - and I never do
“That’s awful - but I don’t want to burden someone else with this news. I’ll tell a white lie” - and now I’m living a lie
“It’s not really a lie to smooth out the rougher edges of the story…” - that’s the biggest lie of all, because lying by omission is still deceitful
I keep secrets and I procrastinate because I don’t want other people to get upset. I have difficulty drawing lines to separate a secret from a promise, or discomfort from procrastination. Instead, I end up getting upset and now can’t talk about what’s going on because to do that would mean admitting that I’ve been lying and putting it off. That’s really hard to manage when you’ve been doing it your whole life and not understanding that it is internally damaging.
It will take time for me to overcome these automatic behaviours. The first step really is in recognising the behaviour and admitting that it is a problem. Once you take that first step, the rest begins to feel easier to deal with because the mindset change prompts you to behave differently going forward.
The Power of Awareness
Humans are creatures of habit. We get stuck in our ways, and it becomes really difficult to accept that our automatic behaviours may be problematic in some way. We find excuses for it like, “that’s just my personality”. We tell ourselves stories about why we do the things we do. We feel justified in our behaviour because we have spent so long trying to rationalise it.
None of that excuses us from the damage that our behaviour can cause - whether it’s to someone else, or to ourselves.
Awareness of your patterns is the pivotal moment. Awareness draws your attention to the facts of the situation, which can set your belief system on fire. Accepting the bad habits and challenging behaviour is the first step to taking action to correct them.
It is important to recognise that in doing so, you are doing something very brave. You are saying, “I messed up, but I want to do better next time”. That is growth. That is strength. That is resilience.
We are all flawed. We all make mistakes. We all grow and learn from these experiences and become better.
Treat this awareness with compassion. It’s a gift to recognise new information and be willing to bring it into your life. That is a talent that few people possess, and fewer are willing to train.
Ask yourself the question. Assume the worst. Tease out the idea. There may be something in there that helps you when you start saying, “something doesn’t feel right - let me examine if what I do is hurting me in some way”.
You have control over that awareness. There is autonomy in that. Up to now, you were living with incomplete information and doing your best. The question is - what will you now do with this newfound information?
Takeaways from Week 6
My takeaways for Week 6 are as follows:
Addiction hurts you deeper than you think: The traditional types of addictions we deal with are very well known to cause disruption in groups of people. So little emphasis is put on the self-damaging impact of the behaviour in a way that speaks from a place of compassion. Hurting others gets called out quickly because people love to correct us when we do something not socially acceptable. Addiction always hurts you, but when you are the only one suffering, people don’t see it, or they don’t care to help.
Guilt drives addiction: Guilt is an emotion that tells you you’ve done something wrong - whether it’s action or inaction. Society tells you what to do when you are guilty of action that impacts others. It does not teach you about the guilt you feel that hurts you from inaction. That guilt is telling you that you betrayed yourself in some way. You become more susceptible to manipulation because you begin to not trust yourself.
Use your struggle to overcome your struggle: Your fears drive so much behaviour that you can begin setting your own traps. If you are a controlling person, you put so many rules in place - yet when any of those break down, you freak out. It’s a vicious cycle. If you are a controlling person, build a tolerance to a lack of control, and that helps you become less controlling.
Addiction is a downward spiral; ritual is an upward spiral: Addiction is when the short-term reward pulls you into a negative long-term downside. Ritual takes a short-term discomfort and turns it into a long-term upside. Just as you get used to the short-term reward of an addiction that insists you need more, ritual conditions you to become comfortable with the short-term discomforts because you begin to see the long-term benefits.
Hoarding is an addiction: Whether you are holding onto lots of thoughts or material items, there is trauma there that is not being dealt with. Hoarding externalises the pain and suffering by setting it aside somewhere you don’t have to deal with it. That pushes the problems away, and is an addiction because it’s comforting in the short term but damaging in the long term.
Introducing Week 7 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Dream for Week 7:
Each week I progress in Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment has felt like I’m going deeper and deeper into difficult areas. That is important to explore, but I also want to be sure that I tackle more positive topics as well. It’s not all doom and gloom. My dream for Week 7 is to embody the lessons I’ve learned over the past 6 weeks and integrate them into my lived experience. I want to use all of these lessons in order to build a better life for myself. I find it empowering to focus on the positive end result that is coming my way once time has passed after dealing with the challenging aspects of life.
Theme for Week 7:
While focusing on the takeaways from Week 6, and my dream for Week 7, I shuffled my tarot deck. Once I felt ready, I stopped and drew…
7 The Chariot
Strong Will, Triumph
The Chariot is your confidence, your will, and your inner warrior.
At points in your life when you felt the bliss of achievement or triumph, you were riding on his back.
Build a relationship with this part of yourself.
Try to “see” the chariot inside you.
The more focused your mind, the easier it will be to sense his presence and stay mounted on his back.
With a fixed gaze and sure footing, you’ll be headed toward all you dream of.
I will start with the obvious - drawing card 7 on Week 7 feels apt. The Chariot is not a card I have drawn a lot throughout my tarot journey, so I have a lot to unpack with this card. I am taking forward the theme of Triumph.
Over the past few months, I have trained to recognise how powerful and accurate my intuition is. I have learned to recognise a “good” feeling and a “bad” feeling enough to trust my body in those moments. It certainly can take time to understand the full scope of that feeling. I always focus on wanting to find a good answer, and I notice that I usually do.
The journey is important. The sense of Triumph only comes through when I have done everything in my power. The rewards are proportional to the effort. This sense of Triumph is a motivating factor because it allows me to tackle the negative voices saying it’s not worth it. The difficulty and discomfort in the journey are made worth it by knowing that I have lived fully according to my values and beliefs, even when it has been difficult.
Keep dreaming,
Kiki <3
