Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 11 - Emotion
Week 11 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Hey Dreamer,
We are entering the final weeks of 2025, and I cannot believe it’s here. I remember starting 2025 so vividly. I was feeling quite lost and directionless. I was feeling very scared about the future and my place in it. Thankfully, 2026 feels exciting. The fact that it feels exciting compared to fearful says a great deal about the year I’ve had so far.
This week has been very informative for me. I have been exploring the theme of Emotion. During my week, I found myself being pulled along a slightly different path than usual. My typical routine each week for posting content was interrupted by my intuition. I was listening more closely to my body. I leaned into Exploration in a different way than usual, and it proved to be wonderful!
I have been quite internally stressed lately about the direction I’m going with Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. There was a dark cloud over me, making me feel stuck and uninspired about my work. I thought it was perhaps that 12 weeks of continuous effort may be too much. I no longer think that’s the case. I firmly believe that the routine of each week was making me numb to what my body needed. Ignoring those signs definitely kept me stuck — because I was too focused on needing to get my content posted on the days I said I would.
But like anything, eventually my body said no. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it on certain days. That’s when I knew I needed to change my plans and actually go with the flow. To truly let intuition guide me in my week. That comes in the form of listening to the emotional messages from your body. It sounds simple, but when you’re constantly pushing to new heights, it can be so difficult to lift your head up from the desk and be present in the world.
I am listening to my emotions in a way I haven’t done before. Giving them their own seat at the table, as it were. Going beyond recognising them, but allowing them. I never knew I was holding back before. I can’t begin to explain what it feels like when you see your worldview changing right before your eyes. It’s why I look at my past lives with gratitude. All the decisions I made to get me to today are important. All the decisions I make today are important for my tomorrow. Knowing that I am making decisions with all of myself, and not just my head, gives me hope that I will find the right balance.
Here is this week’s content:
Mon · 15th Dec:
Podcast Episode on Spotify - Episode 11 - Emotion - The next episode of my podcast, where I talk about the theme of Emotion
Thurs · 18th Dec:
Live on TikTok - KBDE #11 - Emotion - A personal and interactive discussion of the topic of Emotion
Video on YouTube - Kiki's Big Dream Experiment - TikTok Live - Episode 11 - Emotion - A recording of my TikTok Live on the theme of Emotion
Board on Pinterest - KBDE - Week 11 - Emotion - A collection of pins linked to my content for Week 11
Fri · 12th Dec:
Post on Instagram - Reality - This week’s poem comes from 17-year-old Kieran
Sun · 14th Dec:
Newsletter on LinkedIn - Emotional Strength in the Workplace · December 21st, 2025 - Exploring how emotions fit into our workplace culture
Post on Substack - Learning to be Emotionally Resilient - This week’s piece discusses the complexities of Emotion
Stream on Twitch - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 11.1 - Part 1 of Week 11’s Borderlands 4 stream, which included some discussion of the weekly theme alongside gameplay
Stream on Twitch - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 11.2 - Part 2 of Week 11’s Borderlands 4 stream, which included some discussion of the weekly theme alongside gameplay
Video on YouTube - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 11.1 - A recording of my Twitch livestream of Borderlands 4
Video on YouTube - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 11.2 - A recording of my Twitch livestream of Borderlands 4
Blog on my Website - Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 11 - Emotion - My wrap-up post for the week
Site on Notion - Kiki Dreams Big - The story of how I’m using my own content to help me strategise my three big dreams
I am introducing my Notion site as my final content piece within Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. On this site, I have shared an introduction to Kiki Dreams Big with some extra pages diving into The Archetypes, The Flows, and Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. The main idea behind this content piece was to use my created content to help me reach my dreams faster. I went through some initial steps to help me figure out what direction to take it. I decided in the end to listen to my podcast episodes in order, according to the tarot cards' numbers in the Major Arcana. I had this idea before starting Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, so it’s exciting to now use that as a way of exploring my Big Dreams before I end Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment.
Reflection on Week 11
Tackling Negative Thoughts
When I began Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, it was because of an idea that came to me one day while I was longing for more out of Kiki Dreams Big. I had been doing these amazing things every week, but as I watched the days tick by, I realised that I wasn’t sure where I was headed. I created direction for myself by establishing Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. This was my intuition pushing me to do more. So that’s what I focused on next.
As I progressed through the experiment, I learned many lessons each week. I quickly spotted that my weekly theme finds its own way of showing up in my week. I didn’t have to go looking for it. All I needed to do was follow my instinct and trust that I would find the lessons. They always managed to find me.
This connection to my intuition is closely linked to my relationship with my emotions. I had no idea that shame and frustration would be so strong as to hold me back from my work. There was a pattern emerging. Every time I was close to a breakthrough of some kind, I found myself on the precipice of inaction. At several points during Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, I wanted to pack it all in. Just give up and say it didn’t work out. But I persisted — even if just with my daily TikTok video.
That’s when I truly noticed that the Flow of Exploration was my ticket out of stuckness. Breaking the routine in some way is how to break out of that shame spiral. Doing something you love just to do it — that’s the trick. I had moved beyond enjoying my weekly content. It had become a chore. Yet another thing on the ever-growing to-do list.
But paying attention to those emotions gave me the hint I needed. Just do one thing to break the monotony of the day, and you can continue your day afresh.
Working With the Flow
When I paid attention to the friction between body and mind, I noticed just how much tension I was carrying. I feel I have a superhuman ability to adapt to anything, which unfortunately means I can be ok with letting a lot of self-care slide. That’s not who I want to be, so why was I letting that happen?
We may not always know what external circumstances are affecting our ability to show up as our best selves. We can spot the patterns though. A reduced ability to do the simple things you do every day. Lower standards in your hygiene and appearance. An impending sense of doom!
Our bodies are incredible. They react before we can even consciously become aware of a new threat. If your hand touches a hot surface, it has already moved away before you even notice. It is also true for other threats. We may not know what those threats are, but our body does. It can sense them. It’s why we feel gut reactions and goosebumps. Something is happening, and those physical sensations in our bodies are trying to tell us.
I set aside my creative calendar this week so that I could pay attention to what is going on each day for me and my body. My excitement from publishing my podcast on Monday quickly diminished as I looked ahead to the next two weeks and all of the work I had to do. That mental stress shocked me into non-action. I needed to rest and figure out a sustainable action plan. So I used those hints to tailor the way I put together my final content piece — my Notion site. I worked on that during the week instead of my other pieces. It turned out to be the best thing for me because now I have a clear strategy of how to close that off in the next week.
I may not always understand it, but giving myself the flexibility to drift off target can grant so many rewards in ways I can’t explain. I know that by the end of my week, I’ll be able to complete all of my content pieces. I don’t worry about that. But my body is telling me where to start and what order to work in. That’s incredible!
Overcoming Doubt
This week, I spent so much of my time trying to decipher the nuances of different emotions. In particular, shame and sadness were front of my mind this week. I had no idea how much shame was contributing to depressive episodes. It’s like shame was in overdrive, taking advantage of my neurodivergence, trying to find any way it could stop me from finishing Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment.
What really gets me is just how crafty shame and anxiety are. They really make it seem like it’s my fault that I can’t get things done, like I’m a failure. Somewhere deep inside of me, there are little wisps of limiting beliefs vying to get out and take hold. It’s a constant battle.
No matter how much I tell myself that all my work is good, and all of my efforts are going to the right place, there is still that small doubt.
Doubt is not bad, but it can get bigheaded sometimes. If there were no doubt, we wouldn’t be human. We wouldn’t question anything, we wouldn’t be curious. In fact, doubt is the number one clue you can use to tell you that shame and anxiety are playing games.
Before I launched Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, I worried and stressed so much about how to put a podcast together. I could have spent weeks researching podcasts. In the end, I just recorded an episode on my phone and published it to Spotify. Those doubts could have kept me from having a podcast that has been running for 3 months and is on the cusp of Episode 12!
Take those doubts and show them who’s boss! You can find the strength.
Takeaways from Week 11
My takeaways for Week 11 are as follows:
Emotions are your body’s language: Emotions are triggered in the body. Recognising the physical sensations in your body and what they mean is crucial for understanding yourself. Cultivating this relationship with yourself allows you to connect with your body and its needs.
We express emotions in different ways for different reasons: Everybody expresses emotions differently and for different reasons. Oftentimes, we don’t know why we feel a certain way, and we have to interrogate why. What is sad for me may not be sad for you. Our life experience is different, and that’s ok.
Emotional strength is not allowing emotions to rule your behaviour: When we feel emotions perking up, it is important to fully feel those feelings. Having mastery over your emotions is not about suppressing them — it’s about creating space within you to feel them, and still be able to act according to your beliefs.
It’s possible to change your default emotional response: When we get emotional, it can be very difficult to do anything but let the emotions take the wheel. We can do work to change the impact of this. It may take time and effort, but it is possible to redirect that emotional energy elsewhere into something more aligned to your usual behaviours.
It is important to validate the emotions we feel: This is the big one! Think of your emotions like a pressurised system. Sometimes, the pressure can build up and it needs to be released. We must let it out. That pent-up energy is damaging because you are telling your body that what it is doing is wrong — and it’s not. Let the feelings out in whatever healthy way you can.
Introducing Week 12 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Dream for Week 12:
I cannot believe I am here already! Week 12 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. My dream for Week 12 is to receive the final lessons I need to close out this amazing experience. There are eleven cards left that may come up, which means I have no idea where next week’s theme will lead. I have some hopes, but at the end of the day — the cards will decide for me. I wish to find the last secrets to manifest my Big Dreams — Dream Book, Dream Business, and Dream Self. These ideas have been central to Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, and they are going to be front and centre of my work in the new year too. I dream of finding the right direction for the final days of this experiment.
Theme for Week 12:
While focusing on the takeaways from Week 11, and my dream for Week 12, I shuffled my tarot deck. Once I felt ready, I stopped and drew…
20 Judgement
Forgiveness
The word “judgement” conjures up fear and guilt in many people.
This card, however, concerns itself with another aspect of this word — seeking the truth.
No more blaming yourself or others, no more excuses.
Now is the time for forgiveness and personal freedom.
This card asks you to rise up and let pettiness and fear fall below you.
Expand your wings and be reborn.
What a relief it will be.
Well, there you have it! My final theme for Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. What is wonderful about this being the final card is that I drew this card way back before Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment in my Celtic Cross Spread in the Future position. Back then, I had taken this to mean that Forgiveness was a necessary part of moving forward because it allows for past wounds to fully heal. Even as I write this, before I truly get into Week 12, I have to say that Forgiveness has been on my mind for a long time. It is a theme I am very excited to share this coming week.
Forgiveness is a beautiful gift we have access to. We can learn to forgive our past selves for mistakes and decisions. We get to create our own stories, and forgiving our past instead of blaming it is how we can create the best stories we can. Be kind to yourself — past, present, and future.
Keep dreaming,
Kiki <3
