Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 10 - Transformation
Week 10 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Hey Dreamer,
I have crossed another week off now - Week 10 and its theme of Transformation. I found myself in severe ebbs and flows this week.
Early in the week, I had a lot to say about the theme of Transformation, as I spent a lot of time with the XIII · Death card in the past, trying to understand its meaning. But as Wednesday came around, I was feeling a lot of exhaustion that persisted until Saturday morning. I couldn’t quite articulate it at the time because I didn’t know what was going on. I realised that as I’m drawing near the end of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment, the self-doubts and anxieties have decided to peak, and catch me off guard.
I thought I had been doing a good job of tackling them. Well, I had. But I didn’t account for having to process the bigger feelings in other ways. I noticed it coming out in my Morning Pages this week that the feelings of stuckness were due to tiredness.
It’s tough when you spend so much time making gains on your creative works, only to find that you can’t keep up with all the pressure you put yourself under. That was my big lesson this week. Not to create so much pressure for myself.
In stepping away from the pressure, I found great peace in going for walks, listening to classical music, and straight-up journaling. I am taking my Morning Pages practice and co-opting it to help me with writing my book. The moments of peace and distraction from routine this week taught me some valuable lessons about Transformation. You’ll find this week’s content below:
Mon · 8th Dec:
Podcast Episode on Spotify - Episode 10 - Transformation - The next episode of my podcast, where I talk about the theme of Transformation
Tue · 9th Dec:
Newsletter on LinkedIn - The Secret to Transformation · December 9th, 2025 - My discussion on what it means to feel like something is complete.
Wed · 10th Dec:
Live on TikTok - KBDE #10 - Transformation - A personal and interactive discussion of the topic of Transformation
Video on YouTube - Kiki's Big Dream Experiment - TikTok Live - Episode 10 - Transformation - A recording of my TikTok Live on the theme of Transformation
Board on Pinterest - KBDE - Week 10 - Transformation - A collection of pins linked to my content for Week 10
Fri · 12th Dec:
Stream on Twitch - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 10.1 - Part 1 of Week 10’s Borderlands 4 stream, which included some discussion of the weekly theme alongside gameplay
Stream on Twitch - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 10.2 - Part 2 of Week 10’s Borderlands 4 stream, which included some discussion of the weekly theme alongside gameplay
Video on YouTube - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 10.1 - A recording of my Twitch livestream of Borderlands 4
Video on YouTube - KBDE 💥 Borderlands 4 - Part 10.2 - A recording of my Twitch livestream of Borderlands 4
Sat · 13th Dec:
Post on Substack - The Cost of Transformation - This week’s piece covers how Transformation can be used intentionally to change the trajectory of your creativity
Post on Instagram - Beholden To The Witch - This week’s poem reads as a witch’s spell
Sun · 14th Dec:
Blog on my Website - Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment - Week 10 - Transformation - My wrap-up post for the week
Reflection on Week 10
Awareness Enhances Growth
Everything is constantly changing. All we can do is go with the flow and lean into it. Imagine life as a river, and we are the fish. It takes far more energy to swim against the current than to flow with it and adjust your course.
Every day that passes, you interact with the world — and it changes you, in some small way.
I noticed this week in my Morning Pages that I was far more direct in my writing. My thoughts were going somewhere. They were building a coherent message. It’s something that hasn’t always been there. The earlier weeks of Morning Pages were more disjointed. This elevation in my writing is good. It means I am being transformed by the rituals I take part in. My skill at writing is improving now because I’m writing so much more.
There are often skills hidden amongst the simplest of actions. I didn’t expect to see my voice evolve the way it did just by writing 3 pages each morning. It’s very hard to believe in the process when you’re not sure how to measure your outcome. But the measurement comes from reengaging with my own writing and seeing the evolution of my perspective.
It’s fascinating to take note of. How many of us go back through our creations and spend time with them? How much time and attention do we put into other people’s art?
I have been learning to make sure to engage with my own, so it can reinforce the ideas I am sharing.
Transformation Becomes Vivid Through Comparison
Our environments contribute a lot to our sense of ease and ability to get into flow state. I found that changing my environment opened up some simple but powerful opportunities. I recorded videos in different places, I changed the days I worked on my content, and I integrated more rest into my week. The shifts in the routine disrupted my thinking enough this week to break out of negativity spirals.
Being in the same habits continually is not always the best. Some of those habits may be bad for you, when they were once good. It’s only when you get outside of the cycle that you begin to notice the differences.
I have noticed that as I’ve grown more peaceful and regulated, I don’t get as upset by disruptions. I let go of a lot of anger I held over other people and the standards I held them to. It’s only in interacting more with the world that I notice those changes within me. It’s hugely validating to know that the work I have been doing has had wonderful effects.
It’s difficult to notice change when you look at it in one dimension. You can see such a stark difference when measuring it in two dimensions — that is, creating a comparison. Interacting with the world is a way of creating more data, and therefore, something to compare against. It is why we compare ourselves against others. We want to know that we are making progress. We require external checkpoints.
Too often, those comparisons can lead to resentment — we only see part of the story, and if our self-talk leans negatively, then we build up stories about how other people must have it easier than us. When you change your relationship to comparison and look for the growth in you, your compassionate side takes care of you. Measure yourself against who you were yesterday.
Our Decisions Create Stability
Humans can be very strategic. Due to our ability to choose, we weigh up the possible options and choose the one that gives the greatest reward. The greatest reward is a subjective measure, of course. We can choose to pick an option for a reward, or we can change our story about the reward and take a different action.
Every decision we make affects where we go in the world, and what we do next. But sometimes we can’t make decisions just with logic. We have to account for humanity. It may be financially logical to not have a wedding because it’s costly — it might be financially logical to get married for tax purposes. It depends on your viewpoint.
We don’t have to always make the “correct” decision. The correct decision is the one you make. If you are taken off course, you will be guided back on course later. But if you never act, you won’t escape your habits.
I fall back on my mantras when I feel low. Let me get through this one. Let me try something new to create new energy. Something clicks at the right time and helps you out. At least, that’s been my experience. My turbulent week taught me to use music to guide me in my work. Classical music has been helpful to keep my thoughts moving forward without being distracted. My monthly playlists have been great at helping me complete admin tasks.
Music is a versatile tool to use for inspiration, support, and safety when working with creative expression.
Takeaways from Week 10
My takeaways for Week 10 are as follows:
Transformations happen at all scales: Every day that passes, we undergo micro-transformations. When we scale up to months and years, those transformations become significant. It is important to pay attention to the impact of transformation at different scales so that we can truly see the effects of intentional action.
Transformation comes with resistance: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. When you make decisions that change your life’s trajectory — however small — you create a level of resistance that opposes it. That resistance may come in the form of limiting beliefs, doubts, or anxieties. It is important to face those insecurities or else they will hold you back.
Transformation is more noticeable in peace: When you can take time to reflect on the passing of time, you can notice the vast amount of change that has come so far. The intensity of connectivity makes the world seem like it’s changing every single day. You require a peaceful environment to notice just how much growth you have gone through in the hard moments.
Your words have power: The more you say something, the more you believe it. Say it enough times, and it will come to pass. Every intention that you act on in some way just reinforces the outcome you want. This is why affirmations can be so powerful. The same can be said for negative self-talk.
You don’t have to go it alone: We are all going through transformations. They are uncomfortable. They are difficult. We don’t have to suffer in silence. Speaking about your struggles is a quick way of grounding yourself in reality.
Introducing Week 11 of Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment
Dream for Week 11:
I have had a turbulent week, and so my dream for Week 11 is that it will be straightforward and full of opportunity to complete my work. In the run-up to Christmas, I want to focus my energy on closing out Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment as smoothly as I can. For that, I would like to explore a peaceful theme that can guide me in my work. I expect a lot of time this coming week to be spent on engaging with my own content, and so being able to farm insights efficiently would be a fantastic result to garner from the week.
Theme for Week 11:
While focusing on the takeaways from Week 10, and my dream for Week 11, I shuffled my tarot deck. Once I felt ready, I stopped and drew…
11 Strength
Mastery of Emotions
It’s common to think of this card as the roaring, devouring side of the lion.
But look again — the “strength” this card suggests is a much deeper force that’s found within.
The lion represents our most patient, composed self.
He’s a master of focus, compassion, and self-control.
When this card comes up, you’re in need of harnessing this power for yourself.
All the courage you need can be found in the muscle known as the heart.
This is a great card to draw for Week 11 — most notably because it’s card number 11!
Mastery of emotions is definitely a skill to call upon this week. When doubts and anxieties come knocking, the strength needed to overcome them and create anyway is really important. I found this to be true this past week, as I had to call on the strength to change my routines in practical ways.
Courage is the power to act even when you are scared. Knowing I have a lot of work ahead of me, I want to embrace the exercise and do the best I can with the time and energy I have left in Kiki’s Big Dream Experiment. It feels like a huge task because that fear is building it up more and more. All I need is just enough of a push to get me through one day at a time.
I look forward to exploring the theme of Emotion next week.
Keep dreaming,
Kiki <3
